Dr. Web Will You See You Now

I need someone to be in charge of me or at least my Celiac Disease. I went to a school with nuns and have a German mother. If there is one thing I was raised to do it was to follow orders. Yet it seems no one wants to tell me what to do. Doctors assume you will go home and research everything on your own. That you’ll call them if you have any problems interpreting what you find on WebMD.
When you do call, thinking you have the first stages of the Ebola virus, you get a game of whisper down the lane with nurses. S/he will take your message, talk to the doctor about it and then call you back with what the doctor said or, in most cases, a referral to a therapist. This indirect passage of information seems a bit like morse code compared to a simple call, email or even text message. Is there a Dr. Twitter? I’ll sign up for that.
Throw more than one doctor into the mix, along with their three or four nurses, and, despite having an army that could take out the Verizon network guys, you might actually be better off going to the internet’s numerous message boards. Each doctor will claim one organ and refuse to address the rest, handing you a referral to a different specialist that can ‘help’ ie ‘handle’ you. But in my case Doctor #1 assumes that Doctor #2 will handle everything as it’s her ‘field’. Doctor #2 thinks Doctor #3 will tell me what I need to know as it’s her ‘specialty’. It’s not until I went to Doctor # 4 and he told me it had nothing to do with him that I went back to Doctor #2 and Doctor #2 ordered more tests.
Now each doctor had the information: vegetarian, celiac disease with a recommendation to cut back on dairy. Each one had a list of the symptoms and timing. Each one passed me off to a different doctor or lab technician. In the end though it was Dr. W. W. Web that helped me solve the great mystery of why I actually felt worse after going gluten free.
All of my symptoms fall under one vitamin deficiency. And the main source of that vitamin is found in, drum roll please: meat, whole grains, and dairy!
I’m still waiting for the results of my tests to tell me how much of the vitamin I need but I wonder if I won’t find out faster if I use my wiki app.